I am someone who cares.
I care about the world.
I care about people.
I care about animals.
I care about the environment.
I cared some so much about the world I studied biology. I had grand ideas. I thought perhaps I could make a difference.
However, life happened, I needed a job, any job. I wandered from one contract to the next. Each job a stepping stone to where I wanted to be. I had dreams, grand aspirations.
I applied for jobs in Antarctica, I dreamed of a job on a tropical Island, diving, observing and writing. I dreamt and still do of a PHD, becoming an expert in the field. However between jobs and studies I partied hard and there were times when I really didn’t give a shit. I think I got lost on my path to greatness.
I am also a woman and a woman who knew she wanted children. I have so much love to give and I had a yearning to nurture a child to be the best that they can be.
The feeling of wanting to be a warrior has always been with me like a nagging blister on the back of my heel. I wanted to help put an end to the destruction and the inequality. I wanted to make a difference in the world. Some time ago while sitting on the couch watching TV, a sick baby asleep in my arms. I saw this amazing man Damien Mander speak. He spoke with such raw passion, he spoke with belief and he spoke the truth of how he went from trained killer to wildlife warrior. From someone who did not care one iota about the environment to someone who now devotes his life to it.
His heartfelt and powerful speech got me thinking.
Why am I not a warrior, why did I not become someone who dedicates their entire life to a cause be they a human, animal or an environmental activist?
I know for me the reason is mostly my personality. Lack of confidence has always held me back. Lack of believe in myself and my strengths. Never being able to reach my full potential. Always afraid to put myself out there. What could I have done to make a difference? Am I really a warrior in disguise or am I just a warrior in hiding, cowering in the corner afraid to step up and fight.
Does it take a truly special type of person to become a warrior to a cause? Or does something have to happen to this person to make them click.
What do they sacrifice in their personal lives?
Is it easier for a man to become a warrior? Men do not have that biological clock chiming in the background as they fight for their cause.
Perhaps one day when my children are grown and I believe in myself even more. I will become that warrior. Perhaps some day when the world really is crumbling around us we will all need to become warriors.
In the meantime I will teach my boys to believe in themselves, to fight for what they want. To care about their beautiful world and the animals we share it with. I have been a vegetarian for about 18 years. I continue to try to make a teeny tiny difference, supporting a good cause, recycling, being mindful of all that we waste and what little we really do need.
I may not be on the front line but perhaps I can teach my children to fight for a cause.