So we need to talk.
We need to talk about something that is rarely spoken aloud.
We need to try and break down the ridiculous barriers our culture has created.
Walls created at the risk of lives.
We need to talk about mental health. We need to recognise that depression is an illness and that it should never, ever be seen as something that a person can just snap out of.
It is an illness, however it cannot be seen on the face or through a painted smile.
We need to drop the shame, and instead learn, educate and never ever judge.
Things are going to get a little serious around here over the next few weeks.
I probably come across serious in my writing anyway.
I can get caught up in the drama of words.
However depression is a serious subject.
I want to tell my PND story. I need to do it over 3 weeks or 3 posts. I want to give detail. It was the detail I was searching for when I was in the midst of my fog trying to understand it all. I want to give those who have never suffered from depression a picture of what it is like in the depressed mind. In the hope that perhaps they can understand better or maybe even recognise signs in themselves.
It is not my intention to look for sympathy I do not want to be banging on and on about Post Natal Depression and saying poor me. I need to intellectualise what I have been through. If I put it into words maybe just maybe my words will help someone.
I read so many blogs discussing Post Natal Depression, not much of the information I read sounded like me. Or the author did not give me enough detail. What happened after their diagnosis? How did they actually get through it? What worked for them? What was their experience with medication or a psychologist.
I was told I could regret putting it out there that I had a mental illness, that I would be forever judged and treated differently. Well if people are going to judge me for who I am that is their problem.
So it is Thankful Thursday and I need to give thanks.
The PND road sucked. It was shit, it was horrible, it was hell. However in the scheme of things I had a good ride. I had amazing support from friends, family and my partner. I had a fantastic doctor and a psychologist I connected with.
You have no idea how thankful I am that I had a team of supporters on my very own sideline screaming and chanting just for me.
So thank you my dear beautiful friends and family you know who you are.
You might think you do not know how to support someone who is depressed.
It is the tiny things you do.
The daily messages “How are you” “Can I help” (I never took the help, but that was another symptom). The phone calls. The shoulders and the ears. The time that was dropped to help carry my heavy heavy load.
It truly is the tiny things that make a difference, gestures that seemed so easy to you, like a hug or a smile however it can mean the world to someone who is feeling lost. It is sometimes hard to comprehend how our treatment of others can affect their day, their mood, their heart.
Gratefulness is just not a big enough word.
Karma baby. Karma its coming at ya with arms open wide full of love.