This is the third guest post I have the pleasure of sharing with you for ‘Your Story Sunday‘ under the theme of Birthdays.
Birthdays sure do dig up so many emotions with us over-thinking women.
We are way too hard on ourselves.
I believe Zita has written out loud the thoughts and questions I am sure many of us ponder on when that day draws near.
However what I will say, is I would not swap the wisdom and confidence that has grown with me through all my birthday’s, with the insecurities I had at 21 or 25.
So Zita keep doing what you are doing and Believe.
When we are younger we are so desperate to be older…how often do children respond to the question “How old are you?” with answers like “Almost 7” or “6 and a half” we always wanted to be older like that meant something, like we were in a rush to grow up.
Not so long ago I begrudgingly celebrated my 35th birthday. I was happy to just let the day pass like any other day but leading up to it, those close to me who knew it was imminent repeatedly asked what I was doing for my birthday and scolded me when I responded with a scrunched faced ‘nothing’…”But your 35!” like it was something to be excited about.. Like I should be marking the occasion with some sort of mammoth celebration.
However I really was not feeling all that excited about it, because with each passing year I am becoming more reflective of what my life has been, what it is, what it isn’t and where I want it to go. And with the beauty of Facebook and me still having my birth date on there I was hounded by many wonderful loving birthday messages. So there really was no escaping it.
I remember being so excited to turn 18 (who wasn’t!) and my 21st was another milestone that I celebrated with lots of family and friends. The closer I got to 30 the more I started to freak out, not majorly, and not publicly, but internally I was starting to battle with myself and where I was at. I had a wonderful night surrounded again by all the wonderfully important people in my life.
When I started blogging I didn’t want it to be a place where I turned into some kind of nagging, whiney, whingy place where I did nothing but complain about all that I don’t have in my life and how it’s so unfair (*stomping my foot like a 2 year old now*), but I did want it to be a place where I would write from my heart and tell my story and be honest with myself, so I am sorry if this comes across that way.
I know there is a lot to be thankful for and when I look back over the past 35 years I have ticked off some pretty awesome things…I have a Masters degree, have friends from all over the world, I have travelled far and wide, both in Queensland and the World; including spending my 32nd birthday at Wimbledon (definite bucket list item crossed off there!), parasailing in Switzerland and drinking champagne in France amongst many many other highlights! I know how to change my own tyre, tune in my television and have owned and sold a house.
But one thing I haven’t achieved is the one thing I’ve always wanted…a family of my own.
I am not where I thought I would be at 35.
I had always planned on having a career, that wasn’t really negotiable. I wanted to be able to look after myself and be independent if I needed to be. I just didn’t think that at age 35 it would still be just me…. I thought I’d be up to my armpits in children and lunches and homework and volunteering in the school tuckshop by now.
I am also yet to work out what my dream is in life without that. I am a sucker for a good reality TV show and I am totally hooked on ‘The Voice’ at the moment. It amazes me seeing all these young people talk about how singing is their passion. How they knew from an early age that being a singer was what they were destined to be. I envy them!
I think back to my childhood and I remember playing ‘teachers’ and ‘mums and dads’… I am not sure what I am passionate about. I know I have lost the that passion for teaching.
The other thing that is becoming glaringly obvious it that physically I am not as young as I used to be…
Now I know there will be people reading this that are shaking their heads at me saying that 35 isn’t old, but bare with me.
Since I turned 30 I now have a regular appointment at the Chiropractor (who tells me my back resembles someone who has been involved in a serious accident), I have gotten glasses (and my optometrist tells me I show early signs of Glaucoma), I have had to freeze some eggs because my biological clock is ticking louder and louder and the alarm bells (aka menopause) will more than likely be sounding sometime in the next 5 years.
I have a Dermasound facial every 6-8 weeks and the therapist tells me my pores hold onto blackheads like nothing she’s ever seen before (I had a skin assessment report and my pores are better than 2% of people my age!! yep..Adult acne is awesome!), and today I saw a podiatrist and he informs me I walk like an old lady and that I have serious problems (one leg being a lot shorter than the other being just one of them)….AWE…SOME…
So on my birthday eve my sister, my friend, her husband and I went out for dinner and had a few drinks…ok a few too many drinks! For some reason I thought I could still drink like I was 25! And in my drunken state I may or may not have complained that I was not just 35 but that I was in fact, half way to 70!
I know that the last 35 years have been full of ups and downs and hasn’t necessarily turned out the way I planned, and I know that the next 35 years (assuming this old lady body lets me keep going that long) will be the same, full of ups and downs but I am going to try not to focus on the plans and just go with the flow.
I want to be open to new opportunities, take risks, take chances, explore new possibilities and LIVE not just float through life. Stay tuned.
The next series of ‘Your Story Sunday‘ will be on Sunday the 3rd of August.
The prompt will be ‘Write about a time when you knew your life was on the right track‘
A moment when you knew things were ok.
This is open to Bloggers and Non Bloggers (you can remain anonymous if you wish)
For bloggers I will have a link open that you can add your own blog post too.
Non bloggers you can again be featured on my blog.
Happy writing !!!