We never stop learning. We should, never stop learning.
Mistakes, we will always make them. It is part of the human condition.
However being human we also have the capacity to reason, to use abstract thinking so that we might find a solution for our mistakes.
That is why we should always forgive ourselves when we make a wrong decision
We should package that mistake up and add it to our little black book of personal growth.
Over the last six months or so I have been doing some soul searching. I have utilised many sources to help me regain perspective on life.
Previously I had been allowing my anxiety to take over my thought processes. I had been acting on impulse and allowing a tsunami of emotions carry me away to a lonely treeless island. A place where the trees had become poisoned by my worries.
Through months of counselling, reading books, simply talking with friends and walking amongst nature. I have learned a pretty powerful life lesson.
I have learned how to sit with my worries.
My psychologist had tried her best to teach me how to visualise. She suggested that I picture my worries and thoughts being carried away like leaves on a stream.
I could never get there. I would become frustrated and then my head would feel like it was going to explode.
However now that my mind is calmer I have learned the technique in my own way.
Now I sit and look at my worry. Sometimes it looks like Mr Messy from the Mr Men series.
Other times it looks like a black sack.
I sit with my worry. I stare at my worry. I detach and I do not react.
I had once gone willingly with the tsunami. I would try and tackle this worry when my emotions were high.
I have been going through some stresses at work for some time now. It had been really getting to me. There had been many an occasion where I would find myself in my managers office raw with emotion and angst. While he is always understanding, I needed to try and take control of my thoughts before I charged into his office.
Now my worry and I sit along side each other. We do not speak. I just stare. I breath. I try and put another spin on my thought. Why am I really feeling upset?
Last Saturday I was speaking to my Mum on Skype. I had been alone all day with the boys. I was tired. The day before I had taken the boys to the Perth Royal Show we had a great time but it was tough with two little boys running in opposite directions and only one of me. So I was tired and looking forward to Mr Kangaroo coming home on Saturday evening. He rang while I was still on Skype and told me he would probably not be home to help with the bedtime routine. This annoyed me a little. My Mum said “Ahh Druime” basically indicating that I should not be so mean and let him enjoy himself. It annoyed me.
There we were, my anxiety and I sitting next to each other, legs crossed and swinging in time.
This time my worry looked like a black sack with a label written across its bulging body ‘anger’.
So I turned it around. Why did this statement from my Mum annoy me so??
It annoyed me because I knew she was right. Mr Kangaroo is very supportive of his family and is always around when we need him. It was such a treat for him to escape alone for a day and have some fun with his mates.
When he came home I was not angry. My worry was sitting outside alone in the dark fading by the second.
Sitting with my worries and not reacting to them straight away has really given me a great deal of strength. This is a lesson I want to keep on the main page of my little black book.