Christmas time mistletoe and wine…………
With logs on the fire and gifts on the tree a time to rejoice in the good that we see…………………………..
What if you cant.
What if the chemicals in your brain do not allow you to see through the fog.
What if is it is all a bit shit.!
It was this time last year I took my baby to see the doctor as I thought he was sick but it turned out that I was the sick one.
I wrote a post last year “Finding My Christmas Cheer” I tried desperately to find my cheer amongst the tinsel and the fruit cake. However when you are not feeling it in your heart no amount of tinsel will patch up the pain.
For some people Christmas is a very emotional time. They may be suffering from depression, they may have recently lost a loved one or perhaps this time of year is simply a reminder of a loved one lost some time ago.
Just because it is Christmas it does not mean the pain magically disappears.
I had hoped this year that I would be writing about the magic and the twinkling stars. I do feel a great deal more energetic then I did last year. However the last 5 or 6 weeks has been pretty tough on all of us in the SnippetSpirit house. From infected insect bites to grommet operations, snotty noses and concussion, hospital visits, work stress, exhaustion and the need for a house keeper. It has all been one exhausted day after another. I was seriously struggling to find the cheer. I have sat down to write this post quite a few times now. However I could never find that Christmas sparkle to light up my imagination.
We all know the true meaning of Christmas. The spirit of Christmas is about kindness and compassion.
I have been thinking of taking holidays from work lately. All I wanted was two weeks, or in my case that is only six working days. I just wanted a rest I have not had any time alone without the boys in a very long time. I wanted a chance to have the boys in daycare so I could sleep and read books. Time just kept getting closer to Christmas and I figured I have lasted this long
I can make it to Christmas. I was afraid to leave my small team at work struggling
That was until someone said to me.
“How is your colleagues well being more important than yours”?
The tears came then. I realised how much easier it is to look after other people.
That day I decided to look after myself.
So today I start my holidays until the 5th of January. Oh what a feeling.
However I am completely prepared for Murphy’s Law to kick in and one of the boys if not both will be sick and I will not get the rest I dreamed of. That is the life of a working mother this I know.
Tomorrow I continue by buying myself some more flowers.