Even though I have a side of me that likes the creative life I also have a factual precise side. I work in a scientific field and I like evidence for my hypothesis. With that said when it comes to wanting to feel better about yourself
I think most will agree at times you become willing to try anything.
I was looking for other ways in which I could become stronger. A desire to believe in myself more. As anyone whom has suffered a clinical depressive episode will tell you. Your self confidence suffers a brutal battering. This affects your ability to cope with normal problems. Life will always have something to throw at you. However when your sense of self has been knocked you tend to catastrophise and believe things are far worse than they actually are.
I found what could be my saving grace while trawling the internet of course.
I booked an appointment online for a particular Tuesday back in October last year. I got caught up at work on that day and did not leave in as much time as I had planned. After searching for parking at my destination I had about 3 minutes to spare. I piled in the door of my appointment location. To my left there was a office room divider screen. I walked into the waiting room side and I could hear soft noises from behind the screen in what I assumed to be the treatment side.
I was taken aback at how young he was when he stepped from behind the screen. I pictured an older hippy, grey, bearded type of man. However he had bright eyes and a very warm and friendly welcoming face. I had been hot in the car as my air-con was broken and I was stressing that I was going to be late. He asked me if I needed some water. “Yes Please” I responded. Then he asked if I needed to go to the toilet? I was busting how did he know?
Upon my return from the powder room we stepped behind the screen. I saw a bed and two chairs. We sat down and talked for a bit. He took notes and listened intently. I felt very comfortable with him. He was the sort of person who didn’t take anything, any energy from you. He was the expression “Just be” personified. I told him I had not come to him in dire straits that I was doing well but I was looking for just another tool to put into my depression busting tool belt.
He asked me to take off my shoes, necklace and thick purple belt. I was worrying about my stinking feet. I stepped on to a small foot stool and up onto the bed to lay flat on my back. He told me the experience would be better if I closed my eyes. I was very nervous. Here I was alone in a small office building that I had never noticed on a road I had been on many times before. I had not told anyone where I was going. I did not want any judgement.
I lay there with my eyes closed. My breathing was rapid and anxious, my mind was running a marathon. I could hear him moving around me. I had no idea what he was doing but I could not feel anything. At least at first.
As time went on I began to relax. My body became heavy as if it was being pulled down into the ground by strong strings. I could feel my tummy draw away from what I knew was a too tight waist band. It felt as if my stomach was rolling and contracting. This feeling of deep relaxation continued for about 60 minutes although it felt like 10. By the end I actually had to stop and think “Am I still breathing” the relaxation had been so deep.
Once it was over it took me a good five minutes or more to be able to sit up and join him on the chairs. I felt completely spaced out like sleeping beauty awoken from her slumber.
He asked what I experienced. I told him I felt heavy and sleepy. He could tell by looking at me that the treatment had worked. He told me that the energy was blocked around my stomach area. That made me think wow that is incredible I could feel it. I could feel that blockage in my contracting stomach. He told me that was him trying to move the energy and free it. This is crazy he had hardly touched me. Just points on my feet and wrists. I told him that the pit of my stomach was where I held all my anxiety. All throughout my PND I carried around a great big knot in my stomach.
He told me to be careful when driving home as you can remain dazed and confused for the rest of the day. He also said you can either feel fabulous the days after or you could feel much worse.
You guessed it me being me I sank down down down. The following day I was a wreck . I had been dreaming all that night, crazy running and escaping dreams. I felt as if I had sunk beyond the mattress to a horrible stressful world. I had to leave work early the next day as I had felt so bad. As the days drew on I began to come back up to the place I had been at the start. That was just keeping afloat.
All last year my usually healthy diet had turned to crap I was eating sugar ever day. Interestingly however after my treatment I suddenly was repulsed by sugar I did not want anything bad in my body.
So what happened in that room that day?
I still don’t really get it. However the scientist in my does not care if it is a placebo affect. For me I have made leaps and bounds with this treatment. It has not been easy but each week pieces of my puzzle were beginning to connect.