Many if not all of us have a default version of ourselves.
I certainly have a default Druime that overshadows the true Druime.
In times of high stress we can loose our self worth and belief. The default Druime becomes uncharacteristically tall making every day life difficult.
All throughout my PND episode I kept asking why ? I wanted to understand why I had found myself in this situation when I knew there was nothing in my life to really complain about.
I wanted my counselor to stop being so soft with me. I wanted her to open me up. Expose all the boxes, my faults and experiences and then put me back together piece by piece.
Her reply was always the same. There is no point in asking “WHY”. You need to just accept it is something that just happens.
I eventually did listen to her I did begin to find peace.
However I felt that stuff was still getting to me more than usual. I started to look for an alternative therapy.
That is what brought me to ITA or Integrated Therapeutic Alignment .
You can read about my first experience with ITA here.
So far I have had 7 so called ‘alignments’.
After each, namely the first 5 (I think) I would feel down and raw once I walked out that door.
For the rest of the week my dreams would help me open up those boxes and find a solution to the problems within.
I have always been fascinated by dreams. I have kept many a dream diary since I was a teenager.
I often dream of Ireland or people from my past whom I would never think about in my waking life. I dream about children, holding them and searching for them, A recurring dream since childhood is watching in awe a tidal wave coming directly for me.
When I am relaxed and happy I dream of swimming or just watching dolphins or whales.
Or I just have what I call “ordinary dreams’ Dreams that dont stay with me throughout the day. Dreams that I can leave behind on my pillow when I rise in the morning.
After each ITA treatment it was as if my dreams gave me the answers I was searching for. I would wake up feeling more relaxed.
Due to the clarity I was gaining I was able to piece together my puzzle shape by shape. I was able to get to the root of why I had become depressed or why I have a depressive tendency. I would be driving to work and it would suddenly hit me in a “AHA” moment. So that is why I act that way in a particular situation. My knowledge and understanding of my ‘default’ self was becoming clearer.
With that said I was beginning to question why after every alignment I was feeling so low.
I began to feel as if I was going around in circles.
In December my usual ITA practitioner went on holidays and I had two sessions with his colleague and mentor.
I found her presence and energy quite different to his and perhaps became defensive. However I now think she went in hard and challenged me for the better. She was able to ask me specific questions about my life that were correct without me even giving her any information. Throughout the whole session I did not relax as I had in previous times. At the end I felt really down and extremely negative. I began to reconsider what I was doing there and wonder if I was actually being taken for a ride.
I questioned this practitioner in a follow up email. She had carried out what was called a heart alignment. It apparently opened up all my self doubt and made me question everything. I was feeling vulnerable.
Although in the following days again my dreams began to give me clarity and became more ‘normal’.
A fortnight later I returned to the same practitioner locum. It was a much better experience this time. Without me knowing she worked on my heart chakra again. As I was laying there feeling deeply relaxed I started to concentrate on my heart. It was as if I could feel the energy burst open out through my chest. Rays of light shinning out of the darkness. I also kept seeing in my mind a heart. I describe it as a Mexican heart from the ‘Day of the Dead’ festival. It was a heart with daggers or something sticking out of the top. I felt completely positive lying there it was a wonderful experience.
When it was over she told me that she had been working on the heart chakra again. I was amazed and described to her what I had experienced and seen. She knew that we had connected this time.
From that session on the positivity began to grow exponentially. I still had wobbles and questions popping up but after each session the clarity and solutions came quicker and easier.
My usual practitioner has returned and I feel so in sync with him now. After each session he will tell me what area he worked on. He uses a series of hand movements mostly away from the body using only pressure points at my wrists and feet.
Every time he describes what he did. The feelings and visions I experienced matches. For example he could feel huge pressure around my head and he was trying to drag the energy up and out. While I was lying there I was feeling pressure and almost as if flames where coming up over my face. I had been having violent dreams. He was able to tell me why and what he said made absolute sense to me.
Just last week throughout the session I kept thinking about dancing. I love dancing. I am not a great dancer but I love the freedom it brings. I was remembering back to a time I had been taking belly dancing lessons. I had lost my nerve and gave it up.
After the session he asked me if I liked or knew much about ancient Egypt . I replied as a kid I was quite fascinated but I do not really know much about it any more.
He then tells me that throughout the healing session he had been seeing an Egyptian Priestess dressed in her ceremonial attire and she was dancing !
I can assure you I have not been brain washed.
I came to this treatment skeptical.
Throughout however I have progressed immensely in a calm and supportive way. Counselling left me with more and more questions that were left unanswered. Perhaps I didn’t have the right psychologist. However with this therapy I just lie there. I become completely and utterly relaxed. Visions, memories that I believed I had long forgotten pop into my mind. I then go home talk about them dream vividly and find solutions within myself.
Ultimately it is about finding peace self believe and Love.
I can now recognise and step aside from the ‘default Druime’. I have become better at embracing my true essence. Finding the magic within yourself.
Last week I dreamt about swimming with dolphins and whales.
True story !!
Disclaimer: This has been my experience only. I am in no way claiming this is for everyone or that you should give up on counselling from a professional psychologist. It is but complimentary. As with most problems the solutions are never clear cut and so gathering tools from everywhere can only make you stronger