Before I had children I used to cry for days after they had left. I would be miserable and lonely.
I had the luxury of being able to wallow and soak in my own self pity.
I wondered how I would ever return to the “normal” life I had worked so hard to create in this big bold loud and brown land. Making history with new friends, searching for the right job. Filling the void of having no family around by shopping for clothes and spending too much money.
Eleven years later and the goodbyes are still just as painful. You would think I would get used to the heart ache. We must repeatedly depart from each other almost every year.
The sense of loneliness you experience when your loved ones leave can be overwhelming. You have moments of feeling as if you have nobody who cares. Nobody whom really gets you or nobody who has your back. Looking past the rose tinted glasses family of course brings with it the normal ups and downs. Having such familiarity with each other can cause too many arguments. However I find something soul fulfilling from spending time with my first clan.
Its true I have made some amazing friends here on the other side of the world but friends have their own lives and problems and families.
When family come to stay with you they get to see with their own eyes the life you share in those tiny snippets on Facebook or through broken up words on Skype. When family come to stay, you quickly settle into a familiar routine. Your life is fuller, more busy, there is always lots to celebrate.
Then Bam !!
Before you know it the eve before their departure is upon you. A dark cloud descends, your final meal together feels like just that. You wonder how did we get here? We had so much time, we had so many plans.
I have written before about painful departures. I now struggle to read back on those words, they are painful but I often wonder was I being too dramatic?? They read like a languishing love letter for someone whom has passed onto another world.
However that is just it.
Saying goodbye even if only for a year, hurts. If it is someone you love and miss. You enter a grieving period. It is but a process you must endure. You grieve for all the time you are missing out on, you are grieving for how fast the days together flew by. You grieve for the time children are missing out on with cousins and grandparents and aunties. You grieve for time missed with childhood friends.
There is no replacement for those precious times.
Yet here we are living on the other side of the world from those experiences. It is a symptom of the modern age, failed economies, ease of world wide travel. Fragmented families scattered all over the world.
We carry on however. As children do, we try our best to live in the moment. It is what it is. There are so many for’s and against’s.
So I will continue my blog when I can. Recording our lives ebbs and flows.
The people we love know we miss them. Our time together is always all the more special. Living apart makes it less easy to forget what is important.
I hold all my boys close and Rosie Girl too and we make it through another “sad” goodbye.