Ahhh……. It feels so good to sit down.
Especially at my own desk, my writing space. Where I rarely get to be. Instead during the busy week it begins to become a dumping ground for stuff…………….so much stuff.
Metaphorically speaking, I guess my writing desk is in actual fact just that, a dumping ground. A place where I like to go to dump all the words swirling around in my head.
Where do you go to sort your thoughts out?
There are a few things I am trying to achieve in my life at the moment. Mostly things for myself and my personal growth. But you know, when you put pressure on your self to achieve something you also have to deal with the guilt of not getting there or moving very very slowly.
Perhaps I am a perfectionist but I really like to achieve, I hate giving up on something. I also like to be always doing something. Making my mark in some way. I guess it stems from a need of wanting to maintain my sense of identity.
I work part-time. Three days a week.
Three consecutive days are mostly enough to achieve some goals at work. It is enough time to be able to add some real value to a team and complete tasks.
Four consecutive days at home is enough to be able to bond beautifully with my children. To catch up on household duties and enjoy a little bit of “life”.
Its a perfect balance and I am extremely lucky to be in such a privileged situation. I can be me and I can be the mother I want to be and the mother my young children need me to be.
Yet I want more!
As amazing and flexible as my workplace is. Unfortunately working part time holds me back. I see others around me grow in their jobs while I remain where I was 5 years ago.
Is that fair?
I feel like it is not. I am still putting 110% into my work. I am still completing tasks and I am still producing at the same level or quality of work as I would be if I was working full time.
Unfortunately it is another way in which women are again disadvantaged in the workplace simply because they are the ones who have the children. In most cases it is our nurturing nature that is stronger. Its biology but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Children should always come first in everything, they are the magical beings in this crazy cruel world.
Torn between ambition and reality. Perhaps I just need to shut-up and put-up. Be grateful for where I am.
Yet it seems like such a hard pill to swallow. Just because I have children does not mean I have lost my drive or ambition. It is quite the contrary. I want it all!! I become bored if I am not challenged, its part of who I am. Its why I am here today.
So should we or I just settle for the reality? The reality being that when you work part time you must put your ambition on hold for 5, 6, 7 years and just be grateful you have a job and a flexible workplace.
After all I can only do so much in three days.