How are You ?
I hope you are keeping well. I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch. I guess I have no excuse really other than life.
I’m feeling organised today, that does not happen often for me you know. I go with my energies you see. If I am too tired to clean my house I ignore it and laze about. I have had to train myself to be like this. I have come to learn I must give myself a break safe in the knowledge that my energy will return and my house will be sparkling again………..for about a day and a half.
My Mum flew back to Ireland this week. She had been staying with us for two whole months ! How lucky am I ? I literally have not seen the washing line in two months. What woman can say that ? But it wasn’t just the washing you know…………..
We must juggle so much as mothers, picking children up, dropping them off, grocery shopping, doctors visits, walking the dog, standing at the school gates, meeting mothers at the playground.
What I enjoyed most was having company to do all those things. You can spend so much time in your own head in those in between moments and I guess you do not even realise how lonely it can be. So to have someone ….not just someone your own Mother. For those boring inbetween bits of daily life by your side is like having a shadow that you didn’t know how badly you needed until its gone on a plane across the world.
I have increased my working days from three days a week to four. The extra money is most welcome as the cost of family life continues to increase. That one day off in the week is all the more sweet now.
I am savouring the moments of free time with my newly turned four year old. He makes me laugh so much. He asks me to be ‘infinity quick’ when I leave and I must repeat back to him ‘I will be infinity quick’ even if I know I will be gone from his beautiful face for 8 hours. When I return he rushes out the door to greet me like a faithful puppy dog with his arms outstretched and chokes me with his love. I hope I can always be his super hero.
I realise I am much more myself and so much more relaxed and fulfilled when I am at home with my boys. However I do wonder if I would feel like that if I was at home full time. I suspect I would not. How lucky am I to have flexible work choices and a family friendly work life balance.
The big boy is in Year 1 now and thriving. He completes his homework with enthusiasm and delight. It may not last but it is a fantastic start. Even though he is six now I still delight in his innocence and wonder of the world. He still likes dinosaurs and insists that he wants to be a palaeontologist. He makes me laugh when he becomes all coy and shy when I ask him about an older girl from school whom he says is his worstest enemy. He has made the tooth fairy go broke with all the teeth he is loosing. The fairies helping him to navigate this journey into grown up life.
So please remember this time with your little babies is not forever. I know you are always being told this, but it really does go so fast. I still can’t believe its been four years since I was a mother of a small baby. Time flies.. and memories, they do fade like the dirty toddler handprints left on your kitchen walls. Hang in there if you are finding things hard, the juggle I mean. Nowadays I can leave the boys to amuse themselves while I get some chores done. I mostly get a full nights sleep and often (not always) go to the toilet uninterrupted.
The youngest is in kindy now. I met with his teacher this week she said that all the kids want to play with him. He tells me he has no friends and “nobody will play with me”. I can tell he is happy though I only have to give him two “infinity quick” goodbyes rather than the standard 5.
I think I’m in the midst of perhaps my 3rd mid life crisis though. Wondering what I want to be when I grow up. I beat myself up a lot…………. We all do it don’t we ? Thinking we are not good enough that we have not achieved enough, comparing ourselves to others.
But I keep remembering a meme I saw on Facebook
“Where you are now is where you wanted to be 7 years ago.”
It is true you know, but we come across so many glass ceilings that need to be smashed down we begin to loose our way and forget what we came here for.
So I keep telling myself to just keep my head down and keep writing. Write my way out of this muddy puddle.
Because writing works and taking pictures that always makes me feel better, without fail.
But it is just actually making the effort to do it that is the hard bit.
I’m getting up at 5:20am in the morning to run around an “oval” as the aussies say, a “pitch” in my language or even a “field”. I will run with my fitness group until my chest feels like it might spontaneously combust and I might vomit or poo or maybe even die……But then I will find my breath and I will beat it. Beat my alter ego “Dramatic Druimé” at her game and then I will feel like I can do anything.
At least until 3pm ……………
But its all a bloody mind game this life and I just need to get on with it
How about you ???