How are you today ?
Has the snow melted ?
Did the sun shine ?
Did you smile today ?
Did you hug today ?
I sorted stuff today.
Stuff that had been laying around for weeks. Paper and rubbish and clothes. It always feels good to de-clutter. But its kind of a never ending cycle ?
Life is really busy these days with me working 4 days a week. I usually do not make it home in the evenings until 6:30pm/7pm. Its ok I suppose. At least I can be there in the mornings before school.
The mornings are much better now that I bribe my children to get ready.
If they get dressed, teeth brushed, sunscreen on, they get a scratch and sniff sticker. They usually choose apple or strawberry. I must buy some more, I wonder is there less delicious smelling ones? It works a treat anyway, the apple scented paper. They also get 3 stars on their chart. Four stars and Mum and Dad have to bounce on the trampoline with them. Seventy eight stars and they can get some ice cream . Am I mean ? It is working and making our mornings much more pleasant, so whatever.
It is hard to bring them to school, especially when they are in the middle of a fantastical world and some annoying woman keeps asking them if they have brushed their teeth yet. I don’t blame them. I would rather be home to do the things my heart desires also.
What is it we are doing in this life of ours ??
Don’t you feel like you are always chasing your tail, and then when you are not, you are too exhausted to sit and care for that wild and bushy tail of yours.
Do we ever stay on top of it all ? Have we ever got it all together ? Well at work maybe, because we have to, because you can’t just lie down and comb your tail.
At home, I mean ? The jobs, go round and round and round again, a washing machine on an endless cycle.
Thats why I don’t care during the week if I’m too tired to put clothes away. As there is always one thing I can do, one thing I am good at. That’s showering my children with love. Listening to their stories and making them feel safe and secure. The older you get the more acutely aware you become of the thin ice we all walk upon. The fragility of the ground beneath our feet and we just never know what is around the corner.
I do get jealous though. Of those Mums who don’t work. The ones in their gym gear arranging coffee dates after school drop off. They don’t seem to be chasing their tail as much. Their tails swish and sway in a more relaxed manner. Yeah I know, I know you also have lots to do, I get it I really do. But its different when you have to rush all the time and you have a job that you must stay on top of also.
I think to myself . Oh maybe life is too short to be away from my family. To not be home in the evenings helping with homework. Watching the 4 year old learn to read and the seven year old learning with such eagerness how to solve maths problems in his head.
But then I detect a new virus in a fish and she starts screaming. That girl, the one who was so desperate for my job, the one who had a job that made her so unhappy she cried lots, the one who was excited to learn about biology and the natural world. The one who would not believe the job she, her future self has. That she can learn all this new cool stuff and write about it in a scientific journal. She reminds me why it is I juggle it all.
I seem to be doing lots of reorganising of stuff in my life lately. Material stuff, that has been suffocating me. Rearranging my office, and our laboratory at work. My bedroom and my boys bedroom. I must be preparing for something. I must be shedding, and growing and stretching.
The four year old (almost five) is still adorable in the things he says. The way his small but wondrous mind works. He regularly asks me when the dinosaurs are coming back ? When is it their turn again? Maybe he knows something we don’t. He told me his Mamó ( Irish grandmother) is an Ireland girl but she used to be a didgeridoo girl, a long time ago . Is it true Mamó? Are you a didgeridoo girl ? Is that why we are here ?
The seven year old is now an independent reader and I am so proud of him. Santa brought him a book called “The Bad Guys” He read it in a couple of hours and he was hooked. I grabbed onto that fish and I went out and bought the whole series. I didn’t want to miss the boat. Now we have a big fat bookworm. He has graduated onto Geronimo Stilton . Thank goodness as they seem to have a sleeping pill affect on me they are sooooo boring.
And Daddy D is missing his Mum more than he will say. He is holding on so tight to those floodgates. It’s ok though we are on the other side waiting for you, a life buoy in each hand.
And Rose, Oh we love her so. She is always the same. Energetic and loving and cheeky and playful and occasionally tries to put her tongue in my mouth especially after she has just dug up a bone she buried two months ago.
My writing Jar asked me “What I did today to improve myself ? I shaved my legs. Does that count ?
I organised and tidied and cut children’s toenails and put ice on a bust lip. I had a sneaky half hour nap. I held Daddy D tight when his floodgates were bulging under the pressure. I kissed soft sleepy cheeks goodnight and whispered “I love you ”
What did I do to improve me?
I listened to the yearning in my soul that was desperate to sit down and write .
How about you ?
What small thing did you do today to improve yourself ?